Our Four New Norms

Many parents (and even kids themselves) know there’s a problem, but don’t know where to start. Jon Haidt created these four norms to get us all on the same page about how we should think about tech in childhood and adolescence. The key is that they need to be a collective effort, which we know can be daunting. But start with asking one friend or neighbor to join you, and you might be surprised how much better it feels.

Last thing! It’s never too late to make a shift. You’re allowed to change your mind as we learn more and the technology evolves.

Delay smartphones until high school

This doesn’t mean no communication. Living in the post-payphone age, it can feel unrealistic to send kids out into the world without a way to call home or coordinate with friends. But a basic device can do everything they actually need, without introducing the potential distraction and harms of attention-maxxing apps. Check out this guide to basic phones by Jean Twenge or explore more resources on Wait Until 8th.

No social media until 16

These platforms aren’t designed with kids’ wellbeing in mind, and no parental control setting fixes that. Even so, that can be hard for the one kid who isn’t on Snapchat or Instagram. Try getting on the same page with your kids by talking about how social media can take time away from real-world experiences and friendships, and comes with real risks (The Amazing Generation book is a great resource to help if your child is in the 8-12 age range). Like with delaying smartphones, you can also make it easier for your kids by banding together with other families.

Phone-free schools, bell to bell

While this norm isn’t technically in the hands of individuals, we still have ways of impacting it. Parents and teachers have been instrumental in advocating for phone-free school policies across the country. See how your state is doing on this issue in our Childhood Index, and ask your school about their approach. For kids, you can remind them that this gives them more time to goof off during lunchtime.

More independence, free play, and responsibility in the real world

The flip side of limiting online time is replacing it with more freedom, adventures, and connection in the real world. Kids are inheriting a complicated world, but the skills and confidence they need are built in small, everyday ways: a solo trip to the grocery store, an unsupervised playground outing with their friends, or making dinner on their own (with the requisite stove safety lecture, of course). Consider this a sign to say yes to things that might make them gleeful and you a little uncomfortable. Schools can back this up too, with things like the Let Grow Experience.